Making Sense?

I haven’t written much this week because I’ve been a little consumed with things that aren’t that blogable (is that a word? It could/should be.)

What’s been on my mind is the very difficult and hard experience I had in Seattle at graduate school. The invitation to give a presentation at work on a counseling topic has had me thinking about it. Also it happens that recently I’ve heard reports of a law suit brought by a former professor of mine against the school.

I visited a blog, perhaps foolishly, where many former students where airing their views about that situation and about the school. As I read what former students where saying it was validating to hear a partial expression of what was wrong. I wasn’t crazy. It was a very confusing situation and it’s very difficult to express to people who weren’t there what was so desperately wrong.

I’ve thought a lot about that experience and what it is that the founders and teachers where missing. What was it that, while we spoke deeply and truthfully about the gospel, made us miss the gospel all together? We missed the healing power of the gospel. We missed the very Spirit of God showing up to shepherd us. We missed a community of believers that could kindly restore us. No one offered me the Spirit of God for my ailing soul. No one offered me the grace of a healing prayer for my wounds.

We lingered to long in the dark regions of the human heart? A bit like the Dwarves in The Lord of the Rings, who “delved too greedily and to deep and awoke a demon of the ancient world." That’s what it felt like, a lot of the time, every demon awake and on the prowl and no one believing that the power of God had been given by His Spirit to stop it.

I don’t mean this to be an airing of grievances. It’s really not that helpful. I’ve spent plenty of time being riled up and angered by it. But I do need to express the great sadness I feel for those I trusted and who let me down, for myself who went looking for bread and got stones. I believe more than ever today in God’s healing power. I believe more than ever in His grace and mercy to cover me, and to cover all those who founded, ran or have ever attended this school. May the grace of the Lord be with us.